Note: There's a 'hidden message' in this one, literally
Wishy-washy I could be silly
Every time I'm with you, you hit me
Just do not dismiss all my efforts
Unless absent, nobody comforts
Stick around, it doesn't matter
Take time on it, I'll never falter
Chaos cannot be controlled by me
Alibis I make, you wouldn't see
Neither you or whatever that be
Things go beyond a dichotomy
Barren the tree becomes before fall
Every memory after that dull
Beyond that time, you might've been gone
Unlike then, we're classmates on at least one
Those chances present, I've taken none
Wishy-washy, I could be foolish
Every message you sent, I cherish
Let things happen' occurs to often
Living like this, my chances lessen
Sunflowers are not on the bloom yet
'Till that day comes, plans should be set
I expect a little on what I'll get
Like a last die roll, I'll place my bet
Last or not, I hope there's no regret
Being constrained helps, or it does not
Every thought I have starts with a 'but'
Freedom, a resource that I misuse
Really bothers me the things I choose
I always doubt, actions lead to lose
Even though the tides are against me
Never mind them, carry on and be
Die trying, that, I hope, you will see
Soon, I promise I'll be, less than three
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
"Grades don't measure intelligence and age doesn't define maturity" - First Term
1.0
Mondays were assigned as the 'break' day for students during weekdays. Sounds good for long weekends or cramming requirements, right? No, you can't. But maybe if there's some weird non-working holiday (aside from the red ones on the calendar), you can enjoy a few of them.
Class covers the whole day, 8-11am then 1-4 pm. Boring isn't it? I do a few plates for the day yet I have no idea what to do. I can't do anything because I don't have a good compass, an extra pencil, or a decent eraser. I struggled learning what must be done with those plates. Come final exam, I'm not prepared because I was busy with another subject, which has an activity also happening for a whole day. That 4-hour exam probably was my worst, in terms of preparedness. Utterly neglected it along the way.
8:30 AM mornings, I take a 20-minute walks from where I live to your classroom. I walk against waves of students coming from where I'm going, or any place near it. I see them every day or rather every other, I used to have a crush or two from those waves of students. I really don't really expect anything, just get into the class and prepare for scheduled exams . I already knew someone beforehand before we became classmates on that class. I don't get bored on class because you can share a lot of things, important or not, discretely. I'm always excited to tell him whatever your busy with or what you've learned after your class the previous day.
On the first exam, we looked and compared our answer sheets. His score was better than mine, but, we both failed.
"What happened to us? Is the exam really that hard?" he asked.
"I don't know. Honestly, I can't answer a thing properly during exam because I'm panicking all throughout, it's as if I've forgotten what I've studied the night before."
We carried on, took the next few exams, checked the trend of our scores and computed target grades. We talked to our instructor before the deadline of dropping to check our standing. We didn't drop, hoping that we could bounce back with the remaining exams.
Fast forward to the final exams, a few moments after it actually.
"How was it? Do you have any plans if the fallout happens?" he asked.
"I don't know, feels like Final Crisis to me - 'the skies bleed red, universes collapse, heroes die..." You know what I mean? I'm really worried about my scholarship, I just hope they'll understand and reconsider. How about you?"
"I maybe I'll proceed my decision of shifting-out. My parents are also considering that option. I think that was the thing I really wanted to do."
"Well, good luck with that. *laughs* What about our comic book project? You'll right then I'll produce it or is it the other way around?"
"*laughs* Whatever your comfortable. And we'll get on it as soon as we have a concrete and interesting premise."
He went to his dormitory while I continued on my way home. We still exchange text messages occasionally. Our 'project' is still to be discussed indefinitely. Maybe the next time I'll see him, he's already starting a degree in law. While a few of my friends are continuing their studies as future lawyers and doctors, I'm still here trying to get meaning of what I really want to be (or is it what I really want to do.)
To be continued...
On the first exam, we looked and compared our answer sheets. His score was better than mine, but, we both failed.
"What happened to us? Is the exam really that hard?" he asked.
"I don't know. Honestly, I can't answer a thing properly during exam because I'm panicking all throughout, it's as if I've forgotten what I've studied the night before."
We carried on, took the next few exams, checked the trend of our scores and computed target grades. We talked to our instructor before the deadline of dropping to check our standing. We didn't drop, hoping that we could bounce back with the remaining exams.
Fast forward to the final exams, a few moments after it actually.
"How was it? Do you have any plans if the fallout happens?" he asked.
"I don't know, feels like Final Crisis to me - 'the skies bleed red, universes collapse, heroes die..." You know what I mean? I'm really worried about my scholarship, I just hope they'll understand and reconsider. How about you?"
"I maybe I'll proceed my decision of shifting-out. My parents are also considering that option. I think that was the thing I really wanted to do."
"Well, good luck with that. *laughs* What about our comic book project? You'll right then I'll produce it or is it the other way around?"
"*laughs* Whatever your comfortable. And we'll get on it as soon as we have a concrete and interesting premise."
He went to his dormitory while I continued on my way home. We still exchange text messages occasionally. Our 'project' is still to be discussed indefinitely. Maybe the next time I'll see him, he's already starting a degree in law. While a few of my friends are continuing their studies as future lawyers and doctors, I'm still here trying to get meaning of what I really want to be (or is it what I really want to do.)
To be continued...
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Tenses and other mish-mash
Thinking back and forth. That's what I do often. When I think about it, there's this crude idea of risk management to which I anchor upon everything I do during the course twenty-two-year life. There are those times you simply hold back things because they aren't worth it or you rush through stuff headlong just because it's just plain, simple fun. This past year has been the hardest (yet) but the best (so far), in terms of self-fulfillment. I'll try to make a brief run-through to get this point started.
Past
After getting through high school, there's that feeling trying out almost everything you can in college. Basically, you have an environment that is very different from what you've used to. Meet new friends and acquaintances, get around the metro and somewhere else, try new things and rediscover forgotten/neglected ones. I got so amazed of what's in store for me and how these things are easily within my reach whereas back in high school and grade school, it's simply a blessing when you even get to see any of them.
Apparently, after one-and-a-half to two years of a little merry-making, I failed my Elementary Analysis II. That fatal mistake made me realize my limitations and gave a short hint of what the rest of my journey of college would be.
Just when you're ready to get up, another unexpected thing happens to you. I got hospitalized for twelve days, during final exams week, because I was diagnosed with leptospirosis with acute kidney failure as a complication. It was the longest twelve days of my life, I tried to study for my exams but of no good because your body doesn't cooperate either. And that cost me another year in college.
Then, there's this what I call 'year one' (there's also 'year one point five') to catch up with every subject I missed. Here I also made a lot of new (and continuing) friendships, tried a few more things and discarded some. It could have been the best time of my life but in fact, I haven't accomplished anything I could be proud of yet.
Present
I'm slowly getting the feel of what I should expect with my current course (honestly, I've been clueless for the longest time). Dealing with multiple (and sometimes overlapping) deadlines is a tough job, along with sharpening my analytical and creative (yes, seriously) skills didn't seem that easy. I've been through a lot of night-outs these past few months, had some fun, listened a lot and shared a few (lol). Juggling with playing catch up with your friends and your current program seems to cost you some headaches but is definitely rewarding.
As this semester's close is fast approaching, the workload piling up, and various dates to take not off, I take a short break to think, "Am I doing it right? Did I achieve what I have set on my sight?" Well, that can be argued. Recently, almost all of my outputs are sub par and I can't be proud of it. What thing could make me proud of and also, when is that happening?
Future
Honestly, I don't know what career I'll be taking after I graduate. I'll still try new things that could help me decide on it. Maybe I'll try to be in a band, grow flowers or vegetables, write a book (or a comic book perhaps), the list goes on.
Plans for incoming months include a company internship (still waiting progress through some followups, multiple options considered and fingers crossed) or summer classes (for advanced units or again, catch up - hopefully not the latter). Whichever comes first will be it.
I'll try to give out my best on what I'm currently doing and what happens after it. Maybe I'll discover what I really want to do as I go along.
Past
After getting through high school, there's that feeling trying out almost everything you can in college. Basically, you have an environment that is very different from what you've used to. Meet new friends and acquaintances, get around the metro and somewhere else, try new things and rediscover forgotten/neglected ones. I got so amazed of what's in store for me and how these things are easily within my reach whereas back in high school and grade school, it's simply a blessing when you even get to see any of them.
Apparently, after one-and-a-half to two years of a little merry-making, I failed my Elementary Analysis II. That fatal mistake made me realize my limitations and gave a short hint of what the rest of my journey of college would be.
Just when you're ready to get up, another unexpected thing happens to you. I got hospitalized for twelve days, during final exams week, because I was diagnosed with leptospirosis with acute kidney failure as a complication. It was the longest twelve days of my life, I tried to study for my exams but of no good because your body doesn't cooperate either. And that cost me another year in college.
Then, there's this what I call 'year one' (there's also 'year one point five') to catch up with every subject I missed. Here I also made a lot of new (and continuing) friendships, tried a few more things and discarded some. It could have been the best time of my life but in fact, I haven't accomplished anything I could be proud of yet.
Present
I'm slowly getting the feel of what I should expect with my current course (honestly, I've been clueless for the longest time). Dealing with multiple (and sometimes overlapping) deadlines is a tough job, along with sharpening my analytical and creative (yes, seriously) skills didn't seem that easy. I've been through a lot of night-outs these past few months, had some fun, listened a lot and shared a few (lol). Juggling with playing catch up with your friends and your current program seems to cost you some headaches but is definitely rewarding.
As this semester's close is fast approaching, the workload piling up, and various dates to take not off, I take a short break to think, "Am I doing it right? Did I achieve what I have set on my sight?" Well, that can be argued. Recently, almost all of my outputs are sub par and I can't be proud of it. What thing could make me proud of and also, when is that happening?
Future
Honestly, I don't know what career I'll be taking after I graduate. I'll still try new things that could help me decide on it. Maybe I'll try to be in a band, grow flowers or vegetables, write a book (or a comic book perhaps), the list goes on.
Plans for incoming months include a company internship (still waiting progress through some followups, multiple options considered and fingers crossed) or summer classes (for advanced units or again, catch up - hopefully not the latter). Whichever comes first will be it.
I'll try to give out my best on what I'm currently doing and what happens after it. Maybe I'll discover what I really want to do as I go along.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Greeting Cards
I made this card for a friend who celebrated her birthday almost a week ago.
I still have to do a lot of practice with photoshop. It takes a lot of inspiration to do this but I really enjoyed it. Hope to do more of this kind of stuff in the future.
Enjoy!
Childhood Memories
One late afternoon, I saw a familiar girl while I was in the Iriga Public Market. It was my classmate during nursery, the best student in our class as I remember it. I barely had any reason to get her attention because we’ve only became classmates for a year. Obviously, she wouldn’t recognize me so I didn’t bother. Walking towards each other, I almost knocked her off but luckily she managed to take a brief look at me, avoiding the accident. One thing that startled me was the moment when she looked at me. She still looks the same after almost fifteen years, which further reinforces her image on my memory. I cannot recall any moment that we spent together when we were classmates. We neither became friends nor rivals in academic sense. I was too indifferent back then, did not really care about things around me. That short confrontation, as I would call it, did not spark my thoughts about her memory but events during my short childhood that changed my life forever.
I started to become a serious student when I was on first grade. I tried to be the best as I can, treating all my classmates as co-competitors for academic excellence. I was certain that I would be the best student on our class. Yet on our recognition day, I only received second honors and a minor award of ‘Best in Reading.’ I knew I was better in other subjects as well. I suspected that there is something wrong with the computations of our final grades but I only kept on myself because I thought my teachers would do such ridiculous thing.
I doubled my efforts on my second grade. Now I’m pretty sure that I excelled on all our subjects. One unusual instance happened on a quiz about fractions. After our teacher finished giving the quiz, we started checking our papers and it appears that she was giving the wrong answer key. I am sure that she listed the items to be classified as proper, improper, and mixed fractions – I also did one on a separate sheet of paper. I would like to complain about this anomaly but again, I thought her headache that she had earlier might have twisted her judgment a bit. But still, that’s ridiculous. Consequently, I got a low grade on that quiz, luckily some items on the answer key were correct, but that was still unfair.
I don’t know what exactly happened but after that incident, things seemed to be worsening for me as the days approach for that year’s recognition rights. A few months prior to that date, my class adviser resigned and she was replaced by a lot more younger teacher. I suspected that there is something wrong with her appointment. You can call me paranoid or something else because I thought my other teachers are using their influence to turn her against me in favor of another student. I’m still eager to prove myself to them but as days go by, my doubt about their ‘plans’ are getting stronger.
Recognition day came. I received the invitation early morning that same day then I excitedly turned the pages to see the honor roll of our class. The results shocked and angered me. I only received 1st honorable mention with a consolation award of ‘Best in Math.’ One thing that further enraged me is that I’m tie with another student, which makes my ranking 3.5th or far worse would be 4th since her surname appears first in alphabetical order. I cannot accept that my teachers cheated me in such humiliating manner. My mother couldn’t help cheering me while saying that I should forgive them on what they’ve done and that I can’t do anything about it. So I’m just supposed to accept it no matter how it hurts? That is ridiculous! If I’ve let my fury take over me, I’d tear that invitation in front my teachers and then walk out in that recognition rights. But instead, I kept it on myself and never spoke a thing about it on that occasion because they expect me to just accept their humiliation on me.
A nine year old couldn’t do anything about the wicked system they’re implementing and it will continue to be so unless challenged with enough resistance. That would be the last day that I would be a student of that school. I decided to walk away from that chance to fight for justice that I deserve. I think that rotten system would continue to persist as long as there are people like them. I started anew in a public school where I know there would be adequate opportunity to grow and prove myself, free from any prejudice.
I know I did the right choice. I wouldn’t be here where I am now without enough exposure to excel and I couldn’t be more thankful with all the support of I got from everyone around me then. I still feel bitter on all the concerned people, with direct and indirect involvement, that caused me that psychological damage though ironically, I’m thankful that they made me take the path I’m currently in. I’m not done yet of building my ideal self but when that time comes, I will make sure that they will know and feel it.
I started to become a serious student when I was on first grade. I tried to be the best as I can, treating all my classmates as co-competitors for academic excellence. I was certain that I would be the best student on our class. Yet on our recognition day, I only received second honors and a minor award of ‘Best in Reading.’ I knew I was better in other subjects as well. I suspected that there is something wrong with the computations of our final grades but I only kept on myself because I thought my teachers would do such ridiculous thing.
I doubled my efforts on my second grade. Now I’m pretty sure that I excelled on all our subjects. One unusual instance happened on a quiz about fractions. After our teacher finished giving the quiz, we started checking our papers and it appears that she was giving the wrong answer key. I am sure that she listed the items to be classified as proper, improper, and mixed fractions – I also did one on a separate sheet of paper. I would like to complain about this anomaly but again, I thought her headache that she had earlier might have twisted her judgment a bit. But still, that’s ridiculous. Consequently, I got a low grade on that quiz, luckily some items on the answer key were correct, but that was still unfair.
I don’t know what exactly happened but after that incident, things seemed to be worsening for me as the days approach for that year’s recognition rights. A few months prior to that date, my class adviser resigned and she was replaced by a lot more younger teacher. I suspected that there is something wrong with her appointment. You can call me paranoid or something else because I thought my other teachers are using their influence to turn her against me in favor of another student. I’m still eager to prove myself to them but as days go by, my doubt about their ‘plans’ are getting stronger.
Recognition day came. I received the invitation early morning that same day then I excitedly turned the pages to see the honor roll of our class. The results shocked and angered me. I only received 1st honorable mention with a consolation award of ‘Best in Math.’ One thing that further enraged me is that I’m tie with another student, which makes my ranking 3.5th or far worse would be 4th since her surname appears first in alphabetical order. I cannot accept that my teachers cheated me in such humiliating manner. My mother couldn’t help cheering me while saying that I should forgive them on what they’ve done and that I can’t do anything about it. So I’m just supposed to accept it no matter how it hurts? That is ridiculous! If I’ve let my fury take over me, I’d tear that invitation in front my teachers and then walk out in that recognition rights. But instead, I kept it on myself and never spoke a thing about it on that occasion because they expect me to just accept their humiliation on me.
A nine year old couldn’t do anything about the wicked system they’re implementing and it will continue to be so unless challenged with enough resistance. That would be the last day that I would be a student of that school. I decided to walk away from that chance to fight for justice that I deserve. I think that rotten system would continue to persist as long as there are people like them. I started anew in a public school where I know there would be adequate opportunity to grow and prove myself, free from any prejudice.
I know I did the right choice. I wouldn’t be here where I am now without enough exposure to excel and I couldn’t be more thankful with all the support of I got from everyone around me then. I still feel bitter on all the concerned people, with direct and indirect involvement, that caused me that psychological damage though ironically, I’m thankful that they made me take the path I’m currently in. I’m not done yet of building my ideal self but when that time comes, I will make sure that they will know and feel it.
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